People

Sometimes, people are dumb. But what makes all of that okay, is the fact that love is a cure all. Sometimes, when you love someone, nothing else matters.

One month

One month left today. ONE! Can't even believe it. At this point, it seems like forever, and yet at the same time it seems like it's tomorrow. I am filled with about a billion emotions. Scared. Excited. Amazed. Awestruck. Nervous. I just don't even know. It feels kindof like your first day of school. Where you are so excited you want to yell for joy, yet so nervous you feel as if you could puke. Yeah, that about sums it up.

I've had about a billion people talk to me about it, probably because I talk to a billion people about it, and the reactions are usually one or the other. "Oh I'm so excited for you." or. "What happens if he comes home and doesn't like you, or if it doesn't work out?" My response to the latter is always along the same lines. We'll take it from there if that happens. I know there is a possibility that will happen. But I just hope that it won't.

After doing something for so long, aka 'waiting' for a missionary, you'd think people would give it a rest and just be happy for you. Nope. So not the case. But that's fine. I'll show them that I can be happy with whatever happens to me. I've already proved that I can wait 23 months for him, what's another one? I love that missionary with all my heart.

"I won't give up on us."

Truth

Truth is. I'm going to miss Pocatello. Every single thing about it.
My friends that are here.
The incredible times I've had this first year of college.
The times I've struggled on my own, and somehow found my way.
All of the crazy one way streets.
My tiny cardboard box of a room.
Living on my own.
Living within 2 minutes to all of my best friends.
My singles ward.
All of the people that I have met.
The freedom that I have grown to love.
California boy.
Not knowing when I had mail, so seriously checking every single day, only to be disappointed.
Everything. I could list about a billion other things. But there is no point. I will miss this place.
Only three months until I am coming back!!

In a world

I am lost in a world full of people. Each person has their own expectations and desires for me. Each person feels something different about me. Some feel disappointment, some excitement, some pride, some love, some hate, and some simply don't know that I exist.
I am trying to figure out how to live for me. To do what I feel is best for me. To live by the desires of my heart, and to figure out exactly what it is that I want in this life. I need to quit living certain ways, and doing certain things to please other people. Or to not do things simply because someone else wouldn't like it.
I need to live righteously, but also the way that I feel is best for me. Just because someone else feels something is right for me, doesn't mean that it is. They may think they know all the circumstances, but they don't. They may think they know how I feel, but once again, they don't.
I'm not a perfect person. I have my flaws. But, no one is perfect, everyone has their flaws. They may be different, but they are always present. We are all trying to get along in this life, and make something of ourselves. And overtime, become perfect and more like Christ. My way of becoming more like Christ, may be different than your way of getting there. There is no right or wrong way. As long as I am striving my best to be all that I can be. And to always be my best self. That is what counts.

Random fact

I was sitting here reading blogs, when a stupid little bug kept flying by my face. I tried to squish him between my hands every time he flew by, not thinking I'd actually get him. But. He must've been a slow bug. I squished him. Between my hands. Gross. And yet AWESOME!! I can now say that I've done it. I've always tried and never accomplished it before. Yip. Yip.

And now, since I've already started a post, I might as well continue with my thoughts lately.
College is hard. Ha. Understatement of the century. But less than three weeks until my first year is complete. I didn't do nearly as well as I wanted to, but I didn't give up. I'm retaking a class next fall, but other than that, I can live with the rest of my grades.

I am continually amazed at the incredible people that have been put into my life. There is no way I would've made it through this past year without my incredible family and friends. I always have so much support from all of them in everything that I do. There have been so many instances, especially the past couple weeks, that I felt like giving up and didn't feel like I could go on. But, my family and friends were always there to help me keep going. Also, my Heavenly Father. He has done more for me than I could've ever thought possible. I am one blessed girl.

I have met so many incredible people here at ISU, and I am so grateful for my decision to come here. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have a quote hanging on my wall that is by far one of my favorites,

I'll show you.

This music video is a wee bit weird. But. It gets the point across. Also, I've always loved this tune. And matchbox 20 :) 90's tunes are the best. "Soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be."

Spring break in t minus 3 days. I neeeeeeed a break from this. Ready for some change up in here.

17 Miracles

Tonight for family home evening, we went to the movie 17 Miracles. It is about the Willie Handcart Company and the miracles that helped them to make it to the Salt Lake Valley. It was one of the most incredible movies I've ever seen. The 2nd movie that has ever made me cry (I don't cry in movies, EVER!). It just put a lot of things in perspective to me. They went through so much, and yet they never gave up. They had faith through each trial along the way. The first thing they did in each time of need, was pray. How many times does prayer come as our first thought? Some of them never complained once. I am a big complainer, and I haven't gone through anything like what they did. They were some of the most amazing people to ever have walked this earth.

It's things like this that make me extremely grateful for everything I have. The trials I'm going through, seem like nothing in comparison. They believed so much in this gospel that they were willing to do whatever it took to have all the blessings of it. They were willing to obey the commandment to go to Zion. They wanted so badly to have the blessings of the temple. From where I live, the temple is about 15 minutes. How many times do we take for granted that we can go to the temple so easily. These people couldn't. They traveled for MONTHS to go to the temple and be sealed as families. Through snow, rain and freezing temperatures they traveled to come to Zion. Some of them died, just to follow the command to come. Remarkable faith. Remarkable people. If you haven't seen it, I definitely recommend doing so.

Last Thursday my best friend, Courtney, and I went to the temple to do baptisms. Whenever we go, it is always a great day afterwards. I have the Spirit with me throughout the day. When we got to the temple at 8:15ish, there had only been 2 other people so far that day. It was very quite, and extremely enjoyable. The font water was bathtub warm, and the temple workers were just as sweet as always. I love attending the temple. As we left, it seemed as if it was a perfect day. Nothing could go wrong. We made our traditional trip to great harvest to get free slices of bread. We drove over there, and we lucked out with an upfront parking spot. Normally I lock my car, even though we aren't gone long. That day, I had a feeling to just not lock it. I hadn't thought anything of it, but decided not to lock it. I got out of the car, turned around and closed the door. With my finger in it. I realized that wasn't supposed to happen, and hurried and opened my door. My finger hurt worse than anything else in my little life so far. It didn't look too bad at first, but I was completely shocked. We continued to go in and get our bread, and then left.

On the way home, I was trying to be positive about the situation. And then I realized that had I locked the car, I wouldn't have been able to open my door. The way my finger was stuck in, made my hand block the lock. I discovered that it could've been a lot worse than it was. Had my finger been in that door any longer, it would've been a lot worse. It would've caused a lot more damage. My Heavenly Father was watching out for me. Even in a tiny situation like that. He loves each and every one of us. And cares about us. He wants the best for us, and shows us in small ways like this. Some people may look at this and just brush it off, saying that it is just a coincidence. But. At youth conference almost three years ago, an EFY speaker told us that there is no such thing as a coincidence. Every large and small thing is a miracle. To prove that Heavenly Father cares about us. He will do whatever it takes, to do what is best for us. Whether we know it or not at the time. So. See it as a miracle or not, it is one to me. It may not be on a big scale like those of the pioneers, but each one of us is given many miracles in our lives.

What do you think?

Recently I met this girl for the first time, she is really awesome. She told me that I reminded her a lot of the actress Rachel McAdams. Mostly in the notebook. I had never thought about this before. Nobody has ever told me that either. What do you think?










Did I ever tell you that I love this movie?