Institute Choir

So the other day I tried out for institute choir. It is something that I've wanted to do for the past year and a half. Isaac was in it before he left on his mission. The December before he left, I went down to Pocatello with his dad to hear him sing in the choir as well as a solo in his church meeting. Ever since I first heard the power and volume behind that small choir, I have wanted to be a part of it. Last fall, I had no clue when auditions were, and then in the spring I had a class during the practice time. So it hasn't worked out. When I heard about auditions this fall, I got really excited. I went in and signed up for a time. I was super nervous during my audition, and didn't sing like I am capable of. I tend to do that when I get on stage though, or during an audition. Singing in my car = piece of cake. Singing anywhere but on a stage by myself = one of the best activities. Luckily my friend Aubrey was there, and had auditioned before me. He had her come back up on stage, to help with me being not so nervous.
Anyways, long story shortish, I just got an email, and I made the choir. I finally get choir back in my life. I have missed it oh so much. Oh and side note, when Isaac gets home, he'll be in it again. That makes me happy.
This school year is going to be one of the best, yet still tough, semesters this far.

Ceramics

This semester is going to be much better than those in the past, although it still has it's own struggles. I need to learn to have patience with myself, and to give up a little perfection in art making. I am taking a ceramics class, and yesterday I left so frustrated. I just didn't do the pot I was making any justice at all. I wanted it to be perfect, but it just wasn't. I have always been such a perfectionist. Which is funny, because I don't have talent in a lot of areas, such as art. So this semester, I am trying to learn to be patient with myself. To know that sometimes, my best may not be perfect, but it is me. I can only try my best. There is always room for growth, but I can't start out perfect. With practice, I will get better. Just like with anything else in life. If you have the patience to become great at something, you will be. But you can't be great right from the start. It takes learning and growth.

First Day

So. I'm a sophomore in college. When in the world did that happen?!

I've come to a conclusion about life/college/happiness. I can get through anything as long as I have these four things.

1- M.otivation

2-O.ptimism

3-M.orning prayers

The drive and will to do with my life exactly what I want, especially in college. The positive attitude that I am completely capable of doing anything. My Heavenly Father on my side, starting the moment I wake up, also having enough faith to get me through each day. And my mom. (See what I did there, clever I know). With these things, I feel as if I can take on the world.This is going to be my slogan, or motto this school year/semester.

It helps that I know this kid comes home in about 4 months! :) I just love him.

Pocatello

I move tomorrow. Bittersweet moment for sure. This may or may not be the last day of actually living at home. Besides visiting for holidays and such. Who knows what next summer will bring.
For some reason, I feel like this is the beginning and ending of many things. Of course, every change feels like that.
Looking back to one year ago, when I moved out for the first time, I realize how much I have grown up since then. Everything that has changed. Looking back even further to two years ago, when I went with Isaac's parents to take him to college, I realize that I am almost completely a different person. I was so young, and I still really am. Which makes me think of the future. What will I think next year when I am looking back to this time in my life? Will I be who I want to be, where I want to be, and with whom I want to be? Only one way to find out! :)

Scotty

Yesterday, when I went to Target, Scotty McCreery's CD "Clear as Day" was on sale. So I bought it, only having heard two of the twelve songs on it. I figured I would love it. Oh, I'm so glad that I did. My two new favorite songs are totally two of the ones on his CD.

This one, is amazing. And also is relate able to me. There are so many nights that I remember clear as day.

-the first time Isaac kissed me

-the first time he told me he loved me

-the night I had to say goodbye for two years (and the entire day leading up)

-etc.

Juliet

This movie is one of my all time favorites. It is all about true love. And that, if it is true once, then it always will be. Months from now, or even years from now.
The letter that Sophie wrote to Claire says it all:
"What and if are two words as non threatening as words can be. But put them together side by side, and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life. What if.... I don't know how your story ended, but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like, a love to leave loved ones for. A love to cross oceans for. But I'd like to think that if I ever felt it, I would have the courage to seize it."




*Spoiler alert*




At the end of the movie, when Charlie climbs up the balcony to get closer to Sophie, it is amazing. He says that he loves London so much, and that she lives in New York. And since it is too far to travel every day, they will have to flip a coin. But that if it comes down to it, he would give up his beloved city to be with her. That's what true love is. If you truly love someone, you will give up what you want. But if they truly love you, they won't ask you to give that up.

Rediscovering

The past week or so, I have been rediscovering music that I listened to last year, and all the way back until grade school. Ha. I have found so many gems that are some of my new old favorites. Some songs that I wondered why I ever even stopped listening to.

My absolute favorites are ones that I found on my Zune that I haven't listened to in months. Shuffle is my new best friend. Helps me remember the goods.
But, I also have found new songs, that are by some of my old favorite artists. Boys like girls is back :)

Falling Slowly

This song, gives me goosebumps. Every single time.

change changity change

I hate change. More than almost anything. I think it is the uncertainty that comes along with it. Every single time I have to go through some kind of sudden change, I dread it for weeks. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. I hate not being able to plan. I hate feeling vulnerable to the unknown.
When my sweet Isaac left on his mission 19 months ago, I dreaded it. I didn't know what I was going to do without him. He was the only thing I knew for over a year. But, I made it through. Only a few more months! :)
When I went to college last year, I didn't really know anyone, and I was so nervous. Nervous I was going to have awful roommates, and that I would hate college. But, I made it through. I made friends, and grew as a person.
You would think that going back to college this year would be same old same. But, it's not. New apartment. New roommates. New ward. New everything. I wanted to do this though. I could've roomed with some friends, but chose not to. I wanted to meet new people and get out of my shell a little bit more. At times like this, I wonder why in the world I do this to myself. Knowing full well that I almost have a nervous breakdown every time I have to deal with change. Maybe I want to stretch myself even more, who knows.

But the biggest change of all is also coming soon. My sweet Isaac comes home in 5 months, exactly (as of today!). And as excited as I am, I am equally terrified. I've gotten so used to him just being gone. Almost as if he is simply a figment of my imagination. He is the only thing that I want, or have wanted really ever. I have no clue how things are going to work out, okay a slight clue, or if they even will. Everyone tells me that we will get married. But, what if we don't? What if he comes home and it just doesn't work out? I will have to start all over. I won't know what to want, or if I'll ever want anyone else. I'm so nervous for the change of adjusting to each other again. Getting used to the new people that we've both become. We were so perfect together before, that I am scared that we won't ever be that way again. I was incredibly blessed to have that once, what if I never get it again. I've been told by so many that it will just be better than it was. But, honestly, I don't even think that is possible. I don't think it can get better than that. That was the best. Seriously. The best I could ever imagine. I guess we'll see what happens. Until then, I'm just going to sit in a corner and cry out of nervousness. Okay, not really. I'm a tad bit dramatic.

4 years

4 years ago, tomorrow, I met this awesome boy, read the story here:

This was basically our first picture together, taken 4 months after we started dating.

I cannot believe it has been that long. Meeting him was definitely one of the best things that has yet to happen in my life. Oh how I love him. Also, 19 months ago, yesterday, he went to the MTC. Crazy how fast time flies.

 

This is the song that we call ours.