Motherhood

My thoughts on motherhood.

I was always worried that I was going to absolutely hate being a mom. I was convinced that I would have children because it was just what was expected of me. I was never baby hungry, but toddler hungry. I have always loved children, and knew I would have some someday. I did want to skip the newborn phase, though! I wanted to skip straight to a two or three year old. I was worried, especially towards the end of my pregnancy that I was going to not like it that much.

I am so very glad that I decided to become a mom. It has been the best thing I have in my life. I have LOVED having a newborn. She has been a dream for the most part. There is absolutely nothing better than snuggling a newborn baby that is your own. I had no idea how much love can exist in the human body until I had Eliza. I mean, I love my husband, and my love for him always grows. But the love a mother has for her child is one of a kind, and is indescribable. Having the love for my husband, which has grown since having a baby together, and the love for my sweet baby in my body all at the same time is quite the feeling.

My appreciation for my own mother has grown tremendously as well. She came and stayed with us for a week when we first got home from the hospital, and she continues to give me great advice when I have no idea what to do. I have always been grateful for her, but now I understand a lot of the things that she did for me growing up.

I never realized how much worrying happens when you have to care for someone so much. For this reason, I am so very grateful for priesthood blessings. They are so very powerful, and they work perfectly with mothers intuiton. God created men and women with such powerful gifts.

There are so many things that get put by the wayside everyday, and I have come to terms with it. I am such a type A personality, and it is hard for me to not do everything exactly when I want to do it. Especially when it comes to having a clean house. But when my baby wants to be held, I love holding her. Even if it means that I don't get all the laundry folded right then. I love that she loves me and wants me to hold her. It isn't always going to be that way, and I'm taking advantage of it right now.

One of the most surprising things to me is that when I'm exhausted because I haven't gotten anything done, and Eliza has been a little high maintenance, I love seeing her smiling face. She makes everything worth it.

I was worried I wasn't going to love being a mom. But I absolutely love it. I always wanted to be a working mom, and didn't want anything else. Until a year ago, that was the plan. I'm really glad that my plan changed, I think Heavenly Father knew exactly what was best for me. I just didn't know at the time, that I am meant to have many babies and take care of them. That is my main priority in life, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

Yes, there are hard nights. Yes, sometimes she wont stop screaming. But this job is the most worthwhile one I have ever had. I am so excited to have lots more babies and to raise them.

Who Knew

I watch the Daily Bumps vlog every few days. This song is occasionally at the end of their vlog, and I always loved it. I decided to finally go and watch the music video and listen to the whole song. Holy cow. I love it. It made me cry a little bit, which I guess could be from pregnancy hormones. But. It makes me think of all of the things that Isaac and I have gone through to get to where we are, and all of the things that will happen in our future. It's very exciting and makes me emotional to think about. I absolutely love the love story that I have with my sweet husband. He's always been it. The biggest blessing to have ever come into my life. Next week marks six years since the first time he told me he loved me. I remember my heart just skipping a beat (yes as cheesy as that sounds) not knowing if I should breathe or if I was imagining it. I cannot believe it has been that long, and I am so very excited to see what the next six years bring. 

Quotables

Life always seems to go according to a plan. But it isn't necessarily my plan. It is evident that it is my Heavenly Father's Plan. Each time something changes, I am a little hesitant. However, in the end, I am always grateful that I didn't get what I thought I wanted. And in time, His plan becomes my plan. Each time my major has changed, it has been in result of a huge life change that I didn't know was coming. A change that has made me progress into what I need to become. I can't wait to see what this change of major is going to change in me. I'm excited to see what is to come.

 

It's also a reflective time of year, with the year wrapping up, and I have found myself looking back over this past year. And looking towards the future. There have been so many great things that have happened in the last year. I have absolutely loved the time I've had with my sweet husband. I've learned a lot about him, and a lot about myself. Each and every day I am so glad that we ended up together. He is the one person who can make me the most infuriated and then two seconds later make me laugh with an uncontrollable laugh. Sometimes I feel like my heart will explode because I love and care so much about him. As cheesy as that sounds. We aren't perfect, and neither is our marriage. But what makes it my absolute favorite is that we work at it, each and every day. Marriage is the most rewarding, difficult thing there ever was. But I'm grateful that I can be married to Isaac.

I look forward to all of the upcoming adventures of the next year. It's crazy to see all that has happened in the last year. I am excited to see where we will be a year from now, and all of the exciting adventures that we will get to experience. Life is good. And, it will be a whole lot better once finals are over next week! :)

Kids say the darndest things

Conversation between Isaac and I today:

Me: "I hate this gap right here, between the bottom of my belly and my pants. I'm wearing my baseliner pants and they come up higher than my jeans and suck my belly out. So I have a muffin top..."
Isaac: "Are there blueberries in your muffin, because I REALLY LIKE blueberry muffins!"

Needless to say, there is never a dull moment around here. I sure do love this guy.

Accounting

Everyone says that accounting is boring, well it may be. But I am extremely enjoying my accounting class. I think I have finally found the major I will enjoy. I can finally wrap my head around all of the things I am learning in my classes. I also feel like instead of being in the bottom half of my classes like for the past two years, I feel like I am in the top half. I am finally starting to enjoy college a little bit. I feel just enough challenged, but not too much so that I'm overwhelmed with life.
My kickboxing class is kicking my entire body badly. After not working out for so long, my body is taking what seems like forever to get back in shape. But I know that eventually I will be glad that I am getting back into shape.
Isaac is doing pretty well in his classes. He has a few tutors to help him with a few things here and there. But he will do well. He is smarter than he gives himself credit for sometimes.

One of the craziest things lately has just been when Isaac gets home from work at 7:45 and has class at 8. I usually drive him on those days, so that he can change his clothes and get something to eat.
I cut back my hours at Downeast, since it was proving impossible to get home at 9:30 or 10 at night, and then try and eat dinner and get to bed at a decent hour. Especially since Isaac has to get up at 3:30 am in the mornings to go to work, and then go to class until 1 or 2 in the afternoon. But we are making it quite well now :)

We enjoy the little bit of time we get to spend together here and there. Occasionally there are a few bumps along the way, but as long as we have each other, nothing else really matters. We couldn't be more glad that we are married to each other, and that we get to be together for eternity.

5 years

Wow. Who knew that when we first met that we would eventually get married.
This time last year, this is what I had to say about it.
Here is the story of when it all began, if you'd like to go back and read.
But here we are, five years later, married. 
Here's to an endless amount of years to come, or in other words, eternity.

Reasons

Well there are endless amounts of reasons why I love my husband. But a couple of my favorite ones are:

1. He is one of the only people that laughs when I'm laughing uncontrollably. Most people will just look at me like I've got a problem. Nope, not him. He will just start laughing. Which in turn makes me laugh more, and so the charade goes. It is my favorite.

2. Sometimes I don't speak correctly. Aka I jumble up my sentences, use words that don't even make sense, and pretty much talk jibberish. BUT, he usually understands me. He may question me a few times, just so he can get a good laugh, but he usually understands the first time. What can I say. I have a husband who understands me, well mostly :)

I do exist!

Oh hey..... I'm here. To post. But can't promise being back for a long amount of time. But. Updating....
Well. Life is different, and grander than before.
I married my best friend in the Idaho Falls temple on May 10, for time and all eternity. And lately I have been thinking that eternity just doesn't even seem long enough. I love that guy with my whole heart and then some. Love notes, built in personal chef, cuddle time all the time, endless kisses, love that is unimaginable, happiness that has never before existed, constant laughter. I never would've thought living with my best friend could be this amazing. It's always an adventure, and I can't imagine anyone who I would rather be with.

Sick

I'm sick of being sick. Or having Isaac be sick. It is like a merry go round, it keeps coming back around. Isaac was sick last week with some sort of a head cold, and I had to take him to Community Care. Then I had migraines all last week. Then Isaac got feeling better, and I got an ear infection. Isaac took me to community care yesterday. Now Isaac is getting sick again, with a sore throat. It's never-ending. I am grateful that we aren't married (yet), and therefore don't have children (yet). Because I can imagine this being a lot worse. Eventually, all of it will hopefully go away. Until then, we are registering for classes next fall, working, and just trying to make it to the end of the semester. Only a few more weeks! In just three weeks we will be both done with finals. And in three weeks and two days we will be getting sealed to each other for eternity! :)

Isn't it beautiful?

Isn't life beautiful when everything starts to work out? Just when you are at your wits end, and you have so many things you are worrying about, everything always comes together. Maybe not the way you expected, or even wanted, but in the way that was the best for you.

A few weeks ago, I was stressed out beyond reason. I needed to find a job, Isaac and I need to find a place to live, I was overwhelmed with school, stressed about random wedding things, and I didn't know how in the world I was going to do it all, or if it would even work out.

But alas, it all has worked out so far. We have found a place to live, we sign the contract next Monday. I am going to move into there, and then Isaac will slowly move his stuff in and then we will both live there after we get married. It is so perfect for us. It has a washer/dryer. It is a half of a block off campus, and the size that we wanted. AND, it won't break the bank! :) It is unfurnished, and luckily we have all of the furniture that we will need. Between my parents, and others giving us many things. I can't wait to marry my sweetheart and move in together! It will be an adventure.

I have had several job interviews, and currently have been offered one job, possibly two. I will be able to work, and help out with the finances! WHOOP! :) I should have a job by the end of the week. Not a moment too soon.

School has been fine. I am making it through my last science class. Since I decided to change my major, I no longer have to take summer classes (bonus). I was also able to withdraw from Anatomy & Physiology. Which was a blessing in disguise. As it has freed up a bunch of my time, and made it easier for me to accomplish so many things. It has also decreased the stress in my life by about 100 million percent. Which in turn has made it easier for me to be able to have a little bit of time to do small things for the wedding.

It's amazing what happens when you have faith that everything will work. When you have someone by your side who helps you with everything. I am so grateful for Isaac, and for the amazing person that he is. He is selfless, and always so willing to help me with everything. I am also grateful for our families and for all of the things that they all do to help us out. Most of all, though, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. He wants me to succeed more than anyone, and I know that he places things and people in my life to help me succeed to my best ability. That's why He has given me the opportunity to marry Isaac. To learn and grow in ways that I cannot do by myself. So that I can realize what is really important in this life, and to learn what I came here to do. But also, so that I can feel the encircling power that love is. Every day, I am more and more aware of what love is. A portion of it is caring so much about someone, that you will do anything for them. You will put their happiness above yours. Wanting them to be successful, and doing anything to help them get there. It is through the love that Isaac shows me, that I realize just how much my Heavenly Father loves me.

For when words fail...

50

I'm getting married in 50 days. WOW. I am so excited.

This man is going to be with me for forever! :)

Til My Last Day & Forever after that...

Til my last day, Til my last breath, of everyone that can, I can love you the best. Til my last day, I'll be loving you.
Or, really, until the end of forever.
57 days until we get married! :)