When all is said and done

This has always been one of my favorite songs. It brings out the reflective side of me.

"When all is said and done, as the season slips away when I've taken steps beyond my sight, will I find my strength in greater light. Will my courage grow with every passing day? Will my faith be constant as the setting sun when all is said and done? When all is said and done, and the years have turned to gold, will my life become a legacy of the things that matter most to me? And will I want to be the person I've become when all is said and done?...... When all is said and done, when my eyes can finally see.. will i glory in the sweet release and will mercy fill my soul with peace? Will I kneel in wonder at the Savior's feet, will I hear him say "well done", when he sees who I've become, Will i live with him, when all is said and done?"
Am I doing everything I need to, to become the person that I need and want to become?

Rough Day

Every now and again, it's normal to have a rough day. But it's not usual for us to both have rough days on the same day.
It's been the kind of day, that I just had to keep telling myself, "It'll all work out, everything will be fine." Because, if I didn't, I felt like I would've just lost it.

It's days like today, that really make me appreciate the good days. And also, to help me realize just how amazing Isaac is. When we have struggles, they build us so much closer together. I don't think I could've picked a better man to marry. He understands when I'm frustrated, and tries to help me through it. And I hope I do the same to him. I hope that I am as good of a wife, as he is a husband.
There are always blessings in every day, even though sometimes, the bad seems to outweigh the good. I like to think that Heavenly Father is just trying to prepare us for the next great thing to come. That's why we have hard times, so that we can appreciate the good times when they come.

This talk is the best, I recommend it:
Come what may, AND LOVE IT!

Even on days like this, I can say, I AM BLESSED. I have so many things to be grateful for.
So here's for hoping that tomorrow will be better.

“If our lives and our faith are centered on Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right.” —Howard W. Hunter

2012

What a year.
So many amazing memories come to mind when I think of this past year. I met so many incredible people, some of which have become a big part of my life. This year has been one of the best years of all time. Everything that happened will forever be a memory that I cherish. Thanks to everyone who made this year what it was! I have the most incredible family ever, who have supported me in everything I have done. I have the most amazing friends I could ever ask for. I am so blessed to be able to be going to college, and no matter how hard it gets, I am grateful for the opportunity to be learning so much.
I have so many blessings, and I have my Heavenly Father to thank for all of them. At this years end, I am the most grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that I have in my life. It has helped me through so many things, and I wouldn't be where I am today without it. I love my Savior with all of my heart, and I'll be forever grateful to Him. I have been given so many experiences that I know have helped me to become closer to Him, no matter how challenging they were to get through.
I hold no regrets for the year of 2012, and I look forward to 2013.

I hope for it to be a year filled with service to others, great grades, amazing memories, testimony building, incredible people, and Isaac!

One of those days

Have you ever had one of those days, where everything seems to fall into place?

I love those. Especially on days like today. Good mood day. Chemistry is AMAZING. I actually am understanding it this semester, and it is incredible. I discovered that since I now understand it, I am enjoying learning about it.
Weirdest thing. 
Everyone told me I'd hate chemistry. Turns out they were wrong. Story of my life. Everyone told me I would hate ISU, they were wrong on that one too.
Life lesson #1- don't listen to other peoples advice on such things. Don't hate something or not do something, just because someone else says they didn't like it. Learn from experience. Take a chance on something. If you feel it is right for you, then go for it. Don't let anyone else tell you that you shouldn't do it. No one knows what is best for you, other than you and Heavenly Father. Listen to those instincts.
Life lesson #2- everything will be exactly what you make of it. If you want to have the best time, you will. If you want to succeed, you will. Positive thinking can get you far in this life. On the same aspect, if you think you will fail, you will. Have faith, and you can do anything.
Sure there will be bumps in the road, but if you are prepared for them when they happen, they will be all the easier to deal with. Prayer and scripture reading have helped me more than I can ever even explain, especially lately. Each time I have a great day, I think about the things that could've caused it. It always comes back to those. Each time that I just have a completely crummy day, I think about what I did wrong, and it is always that I have forgotten these essential things.

I love this gospel of Jesus Christ.
It means everything to me, and I have no idea what I would do without it. On days where I am just struggling and can't seem to do anything right, I still manage to feel the spirit. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have those days even more frequently, with no spirit involved. I would not make it through.
Luckily, I don't ever have to find out what it is like. And you don't either.

Elder Wood

I am so proud of my missionary. He is absolutely incredible, and is serving the Lord with all his heart, might, mind, and strength. He is doing his absolute best, and doing all that he can to serve the people of Canada. I love him more and more each and every single day, and I know that he loves me also. He continues to be the best, and puts his whole heart into what he is doing. And that is especially true with missionary work. Isaac doesn't do anything half way. Always 150%. And that is one of the many things I love about him. He is such a hard worker. He loves Heavenly Father more than anything else, and his testimony shines right through him. In the way he behaves and carries himself, and the way he treats others. Isaac is one of the most Christ-like people I know. He is always thinking of others and their needs, and always puts other people first. He would do anything for everyone that he loves. He may be small in stature, but he is not a small man. His personality, testimony, and faith are enough to fill an entire room. He has so many talents, and so many amazing things about him. I am so extremely grateful that I have had the opportunity to have him in my life, and so glad that I continue to be blessed with his presence. I am also grateful that he is serving the Lord, and that has always been one of his main goals in life. To follow the commandments. I love him with all of my heart, and look forward to the day when I get to see him again.

6.5 months people. Only 6.5 more months! :)

I'm investing in my forever.

Adversity

Keeping this in mind. Everyone has a hard time every once in awhile. You are never alone. Your struggle may not be as big as someone else's, but that doesn't mean it is easier to deal with.

To go along with that, "come what may and love it!" This man has always been and forever will be my favorite apostle: Elder Wirthlin

"...every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing.."

Sunday

Sorry about the length, I promise it is worth it. But, at least read the very last paragraph! :)

Wow. Do you ever have those Sundays where you go to church and get so much out of everything? Where it seems as if everything is relevant to what you are either struggling with, or what you need to be working on? Or where you just feel like you learn so much? Today was one of those Sundays for me. I haven't had one of these in a long time, and I am so grateful for the reminders I have been given. I recently moved back home and today was my first official day in the YSA branch here. I already love it. There is nothing like being in a YSA ward/branch. I can always feel the spirit much more strongly there because of the quietness and relate ability of the people around my age.

To start off, when I got in my car, I changed the radio station to the sounds of Sunday station. It always brings the spirit to my day. I was lucky enough to hear this tune on my way to church, which just so happens to be one of my favorites (I also heard it on the way home): 

I was a little late to sacrament meeting, but only a few minutes. I was able to sit near the front, which is my favorite place to sit because it makes it easier for me to focus on the speakers. There were 3 speakers in sacrament meeting. They each spoke on 1 faith, 2 repentance, and 3 then Baptism and the Holy Ghost.
I am only going to share a couple of my favorite things from each talk.

In the talk on faith: Having faith is simply making a choice to have faith. All you have to do is make a conscious effort. In the talk on repentance: Christ will not condemn you for your sins, as long as you take the time to repent and become better. In the talk on baptism and the holy ghost: The past is to be learned from, not lived in.

After sacrament I was asked to give a talk, my first one in over a year. I am actually kind of excited. But only kinda. The funniest thing about it though, was that my assigned topic is something that I have had a lot of experience with in the past year. It was a reminder that no matter where you go, the church is always true, and the Bishopric/Branch presidency truly are guided men of the Lord. More to come on that talk later.

Sunday School was also incredible. It was on Mosiah 25-27. There were so many different things talked about, and I just loved so many things. But my favorite thing came from 25:10; When they thought of the immediate goodness of God.... God loves each and every one of us. He awaits the day that we want to come back into the fold or repent of something that has been keeping us from him. As soon as you decide to stop sinning, and come back to God, he is right there to immediately receive you and take you back. I know that this is true, even with small sins or something as simple as not regularly reading the scriptures. He is always willing to take us back.

Relief Society was downright incredible. The lesson was on two different conference talks from April 2012. The Laborers in the vineyard by Elder Holland and The Merciful Obtain Mercy by President Uchtdorf.
President Uchtdorf says in his talk:
"My dear brothers and sisters, consider the following questions as a self-test:
Do you harbor a grudge against someone else?
Do you gossip, even when what you say may be true?
Do you exclude, push away, or punish others because of something they have done?
Do you secretly envy another?
Do you wish to cause harm to someone?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may want to apply the two-word sermon from earlier: stop it!"
Towards the end of the lesson, she had us each think of one person who we need to forgive for something they have done to us or for someone who just drives us crazy. I thought of someone who I used to be really close with, but over the years we have become the opposite of close. There were a few exchanges between us that were a little less than friendly (okay a lot less), and I have despised her for about a year. I don't usually hate people, and I don't hold grudges for more than a few days, but with her it has been different.
The teacher then went on to say that she was going to give us one minute of silence to vent in our minds about this person that we had chosen. After that minute we had to let all of that go, and forgive them. We had to move on and forget it. We had to merely STOP IT! She said, "You don't get to be the one to decide if those individuals deserve to be forgiven. You must forgive them. The Lord will decide if they truly deserve that." You and I have no right to decide who deserves to be forgiven of what. Everyone is fighting their own battle. We each need to "strive a little harder, to be a little better."

In a world

I am lost in a world full of people. Each person has their own expectations and desires for me. Each person feels something different about me. Some feel disappointment, some excitement, some pride, some love, some hate, and some simply don't know that I exist.
I am trying to figure out how to live for me. To do what I feel is best for me. To live by the desires of my heart, and to figure out exactly what it is that I want in this life. I need to quit living certain ways, and doing certain things to please other people. Or to not do things simply because someone else wouldn't like it.
I need to live righteously, but also the way that I feel is best for me. Just because someone else feels something is right for me, doesn't mean that it is. They may think they know all the circumstances, but they don't. They may think they know how I feel, but once again, they don't.
I'm not a perfect person. I have my flaws. But, no one is perfect, everyone has their flaws. They may be different, but they are always present. We are all trying to get along in this life, and make something of ourselves. And overtime, become perfect and more like Christ. My way of becoming more like Christ, may be different than your way of getting there. There is no right or wrong way. As long as I am striving my best to be all that I can be. And to always be my best self. That is what counts.

Excerpt from an email

This is from a letter I sent to Elder Wood, I felt like sharing parts of it, (okay most of the letter):

I don't have too much to say this week. Except that I love this semester. It is the best. My classes are going so well, and everything is going well. I'm taking harder and more classes, but I think it is off to a good start. I'm really looking forward to this time in my life. I've been having so much fun lately, and have still been able to accomplish all of the things that I need to. I haven't been stressed once since I came back this semester. I am so happy. I know I will have times of hardship and trial, but I think that I'll be able to handle it. My testimony has been strengthened so much in the past two-three months. I feel like a completely different person when I think about it. So much has happened and I think I have become a better person because of everything. This gospel is amazing, and it never ceases to amaze me how much my Heavenly Father loves me. He has put the most incredible people in my life that have helped me through all of my struggles. I have the best family anyone could ever ask for. And my friends, are absolutely incredible. Miranda is so much like me it is ridiculous. I'll have to send you a picture. We look quite a bit alike, and we have been through a lot of the same things. She always helps me when I am having days of doubt. She is an angel in my life. Rachel is beyond amazing. She is so incredibly good. And always helps me and reminds me of what is right. There are so many other people that have impacted me over the past few months. So many angels that Heavenly Father has placed into my life to help me through. I love this gospel with all of my heart. I have noticed that when I am optimistic and put a smile on, that everything goes so much smoother. I am grateful to be going to Idaho State University. It was the best decision I have ever made. I have learned so much. Not just in classes, but about life. About growing up, and myself. This has been the best experience I could've ever asked for. I know, beyond a shadow of doubt that this is the true church. That no matter where we are in our lives, and no matter what we are going through, Heavenly Father knows each of us. He loves us and wants what is best for us. My institute class is incredible. I've only had it twice this semester, but I can already tell that it is going to be something great. I have come to the realization that I cannot rely on anyone else for my happiness. I must find it in and through my Savior and Redeemer.

Christmas happiness.

I love Christmas. This year has been no exception. Spending time with my amazing family. Relaxing. Skyping with Elder Wood. The best combination of things. My favorite things.
I love my Savior. I am so grateful that He came to this Earth to live and die for me. Without His atonement there would be no eternal families, no repentance, and no returning to Heavenly Father. Three things that I will be forever grateful for.
In this Christmas season, I hope we all take the time to realize what is really important.

The sister and I in our new footie pajamas.

Can you say busy?

I've been a wee bit busy lately. I have a lot I need to catch up on, but I don't know if I ever will.

College is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It has made me learn so much, and grow so much. I LOVE Pocatello. It truly is a great little town. A place that I already feel like home.

I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It means everything to me. It has made this transition in life so much easier. My testimony has grown so much since I've moved to school, and I know it still has plenty of growing to do. My YSA ward is basically the best. I have an incredible bishop who is so caring for each of the members. My new calling sure will be interesting, FHE group leader. Or fhe mother, if you will. We split up for the first time this coming Monday, and I am a little bit nervous for that. It'll be a great experience for me though.


Institute is incredible. I love my teacher. He is a really cool guy, and always seems to know exactly what I need to hear that day. I am starting to really love the Book of Mormon. It is an extremely powerful book, full of truth.

Most of my posts have been about this, because it is one of the only constants in my life. The other being my family. They mean everything to me. They are absolutely incredible, and each of my family members does so much for me. I love them.

The next few months will be full of changes, both big and little, and I am absolutely terrified and yet extremely excited.

Gratitude

Wow. It has been a very long, yet fast as I look back, week. Lately days take forever to go by, but weeks, just fly right on by. 7 weeks from now, I'll be officially in college. Weird. Anyways.

This week was filled with some of the biggest struggles in all my 18 years. I hadn't received a letter in 5 weeks, almost 6. Which, for those of you that don't have a missionary, is a big deal. And downright hard. All week I was thinking about how selfish the Canadian postal workers were when they went on strike. But, how selfish was I to want a letter so badly. But enough about that, its over ;)

1. One thing I'm not grateful for, is Satan. But at the same time, I am. He makes me realize the good things, by throwing bad things at me. It has never been truer that you can't have good without bad. Which leads me to the second one.
2. I'm so extremely grateful for all the hard things that I've been through. Each one has taught me a valuable life lesson, through my Heavenly Father. It may not seem hard to you, but it has been for me. Being away from my best friend for these 6 months, has been one of the hardest challenges of my little life. But, we'll get to him in a different post, yes, he gets his own.
3. My Heavenly Father. (ps, this list is in no particular order, cuz otherwise He would be at the top) I was talking to a great friend this past week, and she said a few things that really hit me. One thing she always asks when I'm having a hard time, is if I have prayed recently. And it was then that I had remembered I had been praying way more than the usual twice a day. I didn't realize that I had been. And then she went on to tell me that I just needed to continue doing all the right things and that everything would be alright, in his time. She told me that I needed to continue to trust in Him. To REALLY trust in Him. I hadn't quite thought about it. She said, "But sometimes, doing all the right things can help but it won't fix everything. Unless you let the Atonement do it's work and help you get through.... The Atonement's not just for sinners anymore. It's for pains and infirmities and sickness and exhaustion." I've always been taught this, and knew to some extent that it was true. But not until this week. This past week, I discovered just how real it is and how it truly works. I prayed harder, longer, and more thoughtfully than I ever have. I communicated better than ever before with my Father in Heaven. I learned that My Heavenly Father loves me, and is mindful of me. He wants me, and you, to be happy. That is what the Plan of Salvation is all about. I am grateful that I was sent to this Earth to go through these trials so that I can become like Him. He is the most amazing Father to all of us, and wants everything for us.
4. I am so grateful for the Atonement, and for The Savior for being willing to atone for my sins and sorrows. I cannot even express with words how this makes me feel. He knows how I feel when I am at my deepest despair, and my greatest joy. He is my elder brother, and absolute best friend.
5. I am grateful for the most amazing family I could ever ask for. They are absolutely, totally, and completely perfect for me. I couldn't ask for greater parents. They are so understanding, and so willing to help me out when I need it. My mom is amazing. She is everything I want to be in a mother, and I hope I can be as great as her.
6. I am so grateful for the best friends a girl could ask for. They listen to me complain and they still love me. They try to make me happy, and are successful for the most part. They give me the best advice, and are willing to help me out. And. They are always there for me.
7. I am grateful for the freedom I have in this beautiful country. It means the world to me. I am grateful for all the brave soldiers who have given their lives so that I can live mine the way that I want. With religious freedom. And so many other things I take for granted daily.
8. I am grateful for missionaries. Who are willing to give up two years of their life, for other people to be able to have the faith and religion that I have. So that they can find and have the true happiness that I have found.
9. And finally. I am grateful for a special boy who is serving a mission, but, he will come in a later post. Shorter, but all about him :)

Sorry for this stinkin long post. It just had to be said :)

Friends

I really can say that I have THE BEST friends ever. Really. Hands down. I have so many people that are always there for me, and it is awesome. They are awesome. Each one of them holds a special place in my heart.I could name them all, but that would be a long list. I have so many people that support me and help me through this life. And to each of them I will be ever grateful. 

I thought for the longest time, that when my very best friend Isaac left, I would be almost friendless. I was so worried that I wouldn't have anyone to talk to, or anyone that cared to listen. But I've become so much closer to so many people. It's been a great experience. 

Along with becoming closer to a lot of friends, I've become closer to my family. Which, is a fantastic thing. Although they may occasionally drive me nuts, I love them and am grateful for eternity to be able to spend with them. 


But. The person that I feel I've become the closest to, has recently been my Savior. He is. My best friend. On those days where I feel like nobody is listening, I always know that I can turn to Him. He has become that person I rely on. And, for good reason. He is everything. I am so grateful for the knowledge of Him.


SO much has happened the past two months. I've grown so much as a person. Having to be away from someone you care about can do that to you I guess. I feel like we've grown closer, as weird as that sounds. But. It's for the best. And maybe someday. We'll see.

I love music. It really is what feelings sound like. It makes me happy sometimes. 

I love feeling happy. Best feeling ever. I've come to appreciate the not so good days as well, though. I realized that I am always so much happier after those terrible days. I also realize that I am happy, extremely happy, when I read missionary letters. It is almost like I can feel the Spirit flowing right out of them. Crazy. 

I also have been thinking about the future. A lot. And have come to the conclusion that I am okay with whatever happens. Wherever God wants me to go, I will be there. I want to become everything I can in this life, even if it is a lot of work. I want to astonish people. To downright shock them. I want to be that one of a million. Not the one in a million.  

Futures

There is so much going on in life. And yet. At the same time, nothing. 

First semester was so. Rushed. I always felt like there was something that I needed to be doing, and not enough time to do it. My calendar was so busy. Between Senior project, other school work, busy work schedule, family, friends, and Isaac. I always felt so stressed out. Beyond belief. And now. Nothing. It's so weird! I don't like it. I need to find something to occupy my time. A hobby. Any ideas? 

Now that the first stressful semester is over, second semester is here. And I am so excited for it. I've been able to hang out with my friends so much the past few weeks. I LOVE it. I have missed all those crazy fun times. 

It's so weird to think that I turn 18 in a week and a half. It's something that is supposed to a monumental change in life. But.. Nothing changes. I always thought that I would magically be all grown up when I turned 18.. But. It's been a long continual process. And I'm about to experience some huge changes in life. College. Moving out. Being independent. I've had a lot of ups and downs while thinking about this. Its such an exciting time in life, and I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can. But at the same time, I don't want to grow up. I want to be able to have my mommy cook all my food for me, and to always be there for me to come home to. I'm going to have to come to terms with all of this stuff. But it's just so overwhelming, and I don't know quite how to deal with it.

Which brings me to another huge thing in my life. The gospel. I always knew how much a part of my life it is, and how much I enjoy it. But. Until recently, I don't think I've ever really appreciated it. Quite as much as I do. My very best friend left two weeks ago to serve his Heavenly Father. And. Before he left, I was completely sure that I would have a breakdown. Because. For the past year and a half. He has been. EVERYTHING to me. And I learned that I shouldn't rely on another person to be everything. But I should rely on my Savior, and my Heavenly Father to be everything. I have never been so grateful for prayer before in my life. It honestly.. Helps me through each and every day. With greater strength than before. I am so very grateful to every young man I have been friends with that has chosen to give up two years of their life, for an eternity of memories. For a never ending love and companionship of the Savior. And. For their present and future families. It takes so much courage and I am so Proud of each and every one of them. 

And yes. I still miss Isaac. More than I can ever even express with words. But. I am making it through. I am having the time of my life. Because. I need to become the person that God wants me to be. By doing everything that I know to do. And everything that He would want me to do. Being depressed about Isaac being gone won't change anything. He knows that is where he's supposed to be. And I know. He is meant to serve for two years. Reading his letters is helping me realize that.

My best friend Courtney gave me this quote, "Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small and en-kindles the great." 

I'm extremely grateful that I have a knowledge of the big picture. It makes it so much more worth it, and so much easier. 

"He never said it would be easy. He just said it would be worth it." Everything I go through, is helping me become who I need to be. For my future.