Futures

There is so much going on in life. And yet. At the same time, nothing. 

First semester was so. Rushed. I always felt like there was something that I needed to be doing, and not enough time to do it. My calendar was so busy. Between Senior project, other school work, busy work schedule, family, friends, and Isaac. I always felt so stressed out. Beyond belief. And now. Nothing. It's so weird! I don't like it. I need to find something to occupy my time. A hobby. Any ideas? 

Now that the first stressful semester is over, second semester is here. And I am so excited for it. I've been able to hang out with my friends so much the past few weeks. I LOVE it. I have missed all those crazy fun times. 

It's so weird to think that I turn 18 in a week and a half. It's something that is supposed to a monumental change in life. But.. Nothing changes. I always thought that I would magically be all grown up when I turned 18.. But. It's been a long continual process. And I'm about to experience some huge changes in life. College. Moving out. Being independent. I've had a lot of ups and downs while thinking about this. Its such an exciting time in life, and I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can. But at the same time, I don't want to grow up. I want to be able to have my mommy cook all my food for me, and to always be there for me to come home to. I'm going to have to come to terms with all of this stuff. But it's just so overwhelming, and I don't know quite how to deal with it.

Which brings me to another huge thing in my life. The gospel. I always knew how much a part of my life it is, and how much I enjoy it. But. Until recently, I don't think I've ever really appreciated it. Quite as much as I do. My very best friend left two weeks ago to serve his Heavenly Father. And. Before he left, I was completely sure that I would have a breakdown. Because. For the past year and a half. He has been. EVERYTHING to me. And I learned that I shouldn't rely on another person to be everything. But I should rely on my Savior, and my Heavenly Father to be everything. I have never been so grateful for prayer before in my life. It honestly.. Helps me through each and every day. With greater strength than before. I am so very grateful to every young man I have been friends with that has chosen to give up two years of their life, for an eternity of memories. For a never ending love and companionship of the Savior. And. For their present and future families. It takes so much courage and I am so Proud of each and every one of them. 

And yes. I still miss Isaac. More than I can ever even express with words. But. I am making it through. I am having the time of my life. Because. I need to become the person that God wants me to be. By doing everything that I know to do. And everything that He would want me to do. Being depressed about Isaac being gone won't change anything. He knows that is where he's supposed to be. And I know. He is meant to serve for two years. Reading his letters is helping me realize that.

My best friend Courtney gave me this quote, "Distance is to love as wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small and en-kindles the great." 

I'm extremely grateful that I have a knowledge of the big picture. It makes it so much more worth it, and so much easier. 

"He never said it would be easy. He just said it would be worth it." Everything I go through, is helping me become who I need to be. For my future.