I hate change. More than almost anything. I think it is the uncertainty that comes along with it. Every single time I have to go through some kind of sudden change, I dread it for weeks. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. I hate not being able to plan. I hate feeling vulnerable to the unknown.
When my sweet Isaac left on his mission 19 months ago, I dreaded it. I didn't know what I was going to do without him. He was the only thing I knew for over a year. But, I made it through. Only a few more months! :)
When I went to college last year, I didn't really know anyone, and I was so nervous. Nervous I was going to have awful roommates, and that I would hate college. But, I made it through. I made friends, and grew as a person.
You would think that going back to college this year would be same old same. But, it's not. New apartment. New roommates. New ward. New everything. I wanted to do this though. I could've roomed with some friends, but chose not to. I wanted to meet new people and get out of my shell a little bit more. At times like this, I wonder why in the world I do this to myself. Knowing full well that I almost have a nervous breakdown every time I have to deal with change. Maybe I want to stretch myself even more, who knows.
But the biggest change of all is also coming soon. My sweet Isaac comes home in 5 months, exactly (as of today!). And as excited as I am, I am equally terrified. I've gotten so used to him just being gone. Almost as if he is simply a figment of my imagination. He is the only thing that I want, or have wanted really ever. I have no clue how things are going to work out, okay a slight clue, or if they even will. Everyone tells me that we will get married. But, what if we don't? What if he comes home and it just doesn't work out? I will have to start all over. I won't know what to want, or if I'll ever want anyone else. I'm so nervous for the change of adjusting to each other again. Getting used to the new people that we've both become. We were so perfect together before, that I am scared that we won't ever be that way again. I was incredibly blessed to have that once, what if I never get it again. I've been told by so many that it will just be better than it was. But, honestly, I don't even think that is possible. I don't think it can get better than that. That was the best. Seriously. The best I could ever imagine. I guess we'll see what happens. Until then, I'm just going to sit in a corner and cry out of nervousness. Okay, not really. I'm a tad bit dramatic.
When my sweet Isaac left on his mission 19 months ago, I dreaded it. I didn't know what I was going to do without him. He was the only thing I knew for over a year. But, I made it through. Only a few more months! :)
When I went to college last year, I didn't really know anyone, and I was so nervous. Nervous I was going to have awful roommates, and that I would hate college. But, I made it through. I made friends, and grew as a person.
You would think that going back to college this year would be same old same. But, it's not. New apartment. New roommates. New ward. New everything. I wanted to do this though. I could've roomed with some friends, but chose not to. I wanted to meet new people and get out of my shell a little bit more. At times like this, I wonder why in the world I do this to myself. Knowing full well that I almost have a nervous breakdown every time I have to deal with change. Maybe I want to stretch myself even more, who knows.
But the biggest change of all is also coming soon. My sweet Isaac comes home in 5 months, exactly (as of today!). And as excited as I am, I am equally terrified. I've gotten so used to him just being gone. Almost as if he is simply a figment of my imagination. He is the only thing that I want, or have wanted really ever. I have no clue how things are going to work out, okay a slight clue, or if they even will. Everyone tells me that we will get married. But, what if we don't? What if he comes home and it just doesn't work out? I will have to start all over. I won't know what to want, or if I'll ever want anyone else. I'm so nervous for the change of adjusting to each other again. Getting used to the new people that we've both become. We were so perfect together before, that I am scared that we won't ever be that way again. I was incredibly blessed to have that once, what if I never get it again. I've been told by so many that it will just be better than it was. But, honestly, I don't even think that is possible. I don't think it can get better than that. That was the best. Seriously. The best I could ever imagine. I guess we'll see what happens. Until then, I'm just going to sit in a corner and cry out of nervousness. Okay, not really. I'm a tad bit dramatic.
Mariah, just relax! I know it's stressful thinking about what could/couldn't happen when Isaac comes home but everything will work out EXACTLY how it is supposed to! I almost made myself crazy before Justin came home, and it wasn't worth it. If things are supposed to work out, which we all hope they do, they will.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh you're last paragraph is exactly how i'm feeling right now! Adam comes home in 10 days and i don't know what to do with myself. So you are not alone i promise!
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