Reflection

Do you ever have those reflective days? Where you have a conversation with someone and it brings you to think and ponder about how far you've come and how much you've grown in your life. And then you get to thinking about how much potential you have to succeed in life? Wednesday was a day like that for me.



I have grown up so much all throughout high school. And now that its coming to an end, I have been thinking a lot about the future and also the past. SO many great things have happened to me. I've had some of the most amazing influences and friends in my life. I don't know where I would be without my amazing family that has always been there for me. And for every single person that has made me into who I am. I feel much too young to be graduating from high school. But I also feel much too old to be in high school anymore.

Lately I have been just bored with life. It's the same thing day in and day out. I need some change. I'm hoping summer and then college in the fall will be that much needed change.

I am thrilled for college. It is like a brand new start. No one will know me, or know anything about me. I'll be able to date again without half the world reminding me about Isaac. I am excited to be out on my own and be experiencing a bunch of new things. It is going to be a huge struggle, but also one of the best things that will ever happen to me. I can't wait.


Also. I miss Isaac a lot. And his hugs. Nothings ever quite the same without him.

On Mothers day I got to talk to Elder Wood :) It was absolutely amazing. I am now a huge fan of skype! I also got a quick little email and a letter on Tuesday. Which helped me get through the week. Which was. Meh. He is soo amazing, and always a huge strength for me. And I am happy to report that he has gained about 15 pounds! :) I love that boy. He is a great missionary.


Graduation is in about 9 days :) I have 4 more days left in high school!!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo.

Time flies.

Time flies when you are having fun. Its crazy everything that has happened this past year. I've grown so incredibly much, and I've changed a lot. I've had so many experiences and trials that have shaped the person I am today.

Lately, I've been thinking about all the things I've learned in life. From my parents and from all of those around people around me. I love all the amazing examples I have in my life. I'm soo extremely grateful for all of the hard trials I've faced. I'm grateful to all of those people that have been there for me when I've needed them most.

High school is coming to a close, and with that comes a lot of reflection. Reflection on a lot of things. Like. I wish I would've studied more. I wish I would've been nicer to everyone. I wish I would've gone to more school activities. I wish I would've done better in a few classes. I wish I would've taken things a little bit more seriously. But. With each thing not done, and everything I did do, I learned something. There was a valuable life lesson in everything.

I'm going there someday...

The temple really is a remarkable place. Beautiful. Serene. Every time I go and do baptisms for the dead, I leave with an amazing spirit. I feel so at peace. Like I can take on the world, and win. Sometimes I forget the peace it brings, and don't take the opportunity to go as often as I should. Today, my stake went, it was Senior Baptisms night, and not a lot of seniors showed up. But, it was really cool. All the things I've been worried about, and the struggles I've been facing, just seemed to disappear. All the weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I've been able to relax. The temple has a way of doing that. The Savior has a way of doing that. I really needed that lately. I'm grateful for my ability to be able to go, and to have a temple soo close. It is a wonderful blessing, one that I need to take advantage of more often. I'm going to marry a return missionary there someday. It is number one on the top of my to do list. It is the biggest dream I have.

Boys, Guys, Men.

My missionary week was mostly successful. Although I decided that I would not like the missionary rules very much :) Missionaries are super strong and spiritual. It's great getting letters from them and seeing all the change that takes place. Miraculous. I didn't get a letter from Elder Wood for four and a half weeks. It felt like an eternity. But I got one, and then the next week I received another.  He is doing well. And. I learned something through all of this. He is a missionary of the Lord. He may still be my best friend, but I can't rely on him to be there like he used to be. His focus is on his mission and teaching the people of Canada, which is exactly where it should be. 
I need to find happiness in life and the things I'm doing and in myself, and also in this gospel, and in Christ. I need to grow and become the person that I need to become. In order to do this, I need to let go just a little bit. I need to have fun the last couple months of my senior year, and enjoy the friends that I have. 
I've started doing so, and have had soooo much fun. The past two months have been fantastic. In ways. I've had my struggles, but I've learned some strengths as well. I've gained some awesome friendships that I never would've seen coming. Met some of the coolest guys ever, and they have become some of the best friends. Most of all, I learned that it's okay to enjoy the company of other guys. Although none of them are Isaac, they are all extremely awesome and amazing in their own ways. I think I'm going to love college.

From boys, to guys, to men. Whatever they want to be called, I love them. They are each different, distinct, and have something great about them. I'm really enjoying finding all the different ones out there. And making memories. Making friends. Making something to look forward to, and also to enjoy the right now.

sweet memories

Have you ever had one of those days, that is just plain good? Yeah today is one of those for me. I have no idea why really. Just. In a good mood. All day. Regardless of this stupid cold I have, I was determined to have a good day. I felt like I needed one. Indeed I did. Worth it? Yes. 

Sometimes I can't help but smile. Just those memories. All the good ones. I remember even a tidbit of something that once made me smile, and the smile reappears. Memories tend to do that. Especially the good ones. I'm glad I've had a good enough life, no a great life, that has given me so many memories to relive. So many things to look back on, and enjoy all over again. 

And yet, there are still so many more memories to make. Some that will someday make me cry, some that will make me laugh, and some that will be the best of my life. Because, it's true. The best memories are yet to come.

Missionary Week

This week for seminary, we are having a missionary week. We each received a "mission call" and there are certain rules for each day this week. My mission call is to the Quebec Canada Mission. English speaking. Shocker :) Yes, Canada! Haha.. Great. The rules are as follows:

Monday- No Texting
Tuesday- No Internet
Wednesday- No Television
Thursday- Bedtime at 10:30
Friday- Wake up at 6 AM.
Also reading the scriptures for a half an hour each day, and writing in a journal every day.

I decided to do some of these days. I think it will be a good experience to see what a tiny portion of being a missionary is like. On a very small scale. I think it will give me a great appreciation for missionaries and for everything they do on a daily basis. 

And since I haven't gotten a letter in a few weeks, I miss Isaac a lot. A lot. But. I'm getting used to this. I think. If you can ever get used to being away from someone you love. They say it gets easier as time goes on, but its been getting harder. Well mostly. We'll see what the future brings.
 

Friends

I really can say that I have THE BEST friends ever. Really. Hands down. I have so many people that are always there for me, and it is awesome. They are awesome. Each one of them holds a special place in my heart.I could name them all, but that would be a long list. I have so many people that support me and help me through this life. And to each of them I will be ever grateful. 

I thought for the longest time, that when my very best friend Isaac left, I would be almost friendless. I was so worried that I wouldn't have anyone to talk to, or anyone that cared to listen. But I've become so much closer to so many people. It's been a great experience. 

Along with becoming closer to a lot of friends, I've become closer to my family. Which, is a fantastic thing. Although they may occasionally drive me nuts, I love them and am grateful for eternity to be able to spend with them. 


But. The person that I feel I've become the closest to, has recently been my Savior. He is. My best friend. On those days where I feel like nobody is listening, I always know that I can turn to Him. He has become that person I rely on. And, for good reason. He is everything. I am so grateful for the knowledge of Him.


SO much has happened the past two months. I've grown so much as a person. Having to be away from someone you care about can do that to you I guess. I feel like we've grown closer, as weird as that sounds. But. It's for the best. And maybe someday. We'll see.

I love music. It really is what feelings sound like. It makes me happy sometimes. 

I love feeling happy. Best feeling ever. I've come to appreciate the not so good days as well, though. I realized that I am always so much happier after those terrible days. I also realize that I am happy, extremely happy, when I read missionary letters. It is almost like I can feel the Spirit flowing right out of them. Crazy. 

I also have been thinking about the future. A lot. And have come to the conclusion that I am okay with whatever happens. Wherever God wants me to go, I will be there. I want to become everything I can in this life, even if it is a lot of work. I want to astonish people. To downright shock them. I want to be that one of a million. Not the one in a million.